Welcome back, my loyal drones. Did you miss me? Well I missed you. And to show how much I adore you, today's post is the first in another series of topics this time called "Stick It Up The Man". You might be thinking that the phrase is actually "stick it to the man", but I feel that sticking things up The Man is more gratifying.
I'm going to be blunt here. I hate stop lights. I hate stop signs. I hate stop lights and stop signs. Sure they have their usefulness. Channeling traffic, preventing collisions, etc. And for the most part I tolerate them. However, you may not know this but stop signs and lights are just another way The Man is keeping us down. Lets start with stop signs. The "law" is, when you come to a stop sign you make a complete stop, wait for three seconds or until the road is clear (whichever is last), and then proceed through. Doesn't sound so bad, right? But the thing is, you have to stop even if there is no one around. Recently I started taking every opportunity I could to stick these signs up The Man's ass by rolling through vacant stop signs. I dont speed straight through, but I slow down to a cautionary speed and roll right on through, just as if the sign said Yield. Aw the Yield sign. The world would be a far better place with more yield signs. What does yield mean exactly? It means use your F'ing brain, think for yourself, and stop being a sheep. Yield means use your eyes and your common sense to judge for own damn self whether you need to stop if there are other cars around. If not, just roll on through. This also brings me to stop lights. Now I cant really argue that we should replace stop lights with yield signs. Big intersections are just too packed and busy for that. However, there is one hidden hammer that The Man has been beating us senseless with for years. The left turn arrow. Oh how I hate thee. I have spent too much of my life sitting at the red left turn arrow. The straight light is green on my side and the straight light is green in the oncoming lanes. There is no one coming in the oncoming lanes for miles and the "law" tells me I can't make the turn. Well no more! Along with rolling through stop signs, I have been taking every opportunity to lead by example and wake my fellow motorists from their mindless obedience by turning on these red arrows. If Im in the front of the turn lane, and there is no one in the oncoming lanes, I'll stick that left arrow right up The Man's tight ass and hit the gas. Hell, sometimes I'll go out of my way to make a left turn. Even if I'm not going that way I just can't pass up an open lane. Cuz every time I roll through a sign or drive through an arrow, I get a little bit of freedom back. And it feels oh so good.
Don't be The Man's bitch anymore. Join the resistance. Roll on through and make the turn...just make sure the fuzz ain't watchin.